April

April is Rwanda’s rainiest month. Eighteen years ago in April, the plane of Rwanda’s then Hutu President Juvenal Habyarimana was shot down as it landed in Kigali. In the one hundred days that followed, almost one million people were killed in Rwanda for being of the Tutsi ethnicity, or for sympathizing with Tutsi.

Every April, Rwanda commemorates the genocide that took place here in 1994. Between April 7 and April 14, business is put on hold each afternoon and communities gather to remember the events that destroyed the country. The following one hundred days are national days of mourning. No weddings or other public celebrations of any sort are held, it’s against the law. On national television, vivid images of the massacres are shown. The radio blasts what I can only describe as the exact opposite of Christmas songs: ballads dedicated to those who were lost, pleas of unity and peace. 

Yearound, discussing ethnicity in Rwanda can land you in prison for “inciting genocidal ideology”. No one has ever told me directly whether or not they are Hutu or Tutsi. Genocide survivors live alongside perpetrators. Everyone is Rwandan now. During April only, people mourn genocide victims publicly.

“Those people that killed my parents, they are free!” a friend told me. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yes! I saw them kill my parents, my brothers, and my sisters when I was so small” he replied. “They are not in jail?” I replied, incredulous. “They served some small time, and now, they are my neighbors again” he said, shaking his head, laughing. “You are not scared? Angry?” I asked, trying to imagine the situation. “In Rwanda, we must move forward. Everyone! It is also the government program. It is not easy, but we must.” I cannot fathom being capable of forgiveness like this.

Meanwhile, the rains continue. The ominous dark clouds cast a permanent grey shadow that perfectly reflects the national mood. Water falls from above and lands like violent tear drops on the tin roofs, as if the skies were also mourning the dead, angrily. And then, when the rains fade, you notice a change: clarity in the air, like a window after it’s been washed with Windex. You realize the bean vines have become suddenly tall. Parents finally have food to feed their malnourished children. There is an abundance of water which brings relief to everyone. Maybe there is hope after all. 

Visiting a Memorial Site, connected to a secondary school, in the Western Province